This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
