What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
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