sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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