new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
