I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
