You can't special order awesome
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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