Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
