i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
