I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
