You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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