I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
