sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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