You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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