she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
These tits shall not be calmed
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
