He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
