Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
