i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
