I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
