I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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