You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
