i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
