So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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