Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
