Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Last time i carry you out of a forest
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
