I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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