i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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