Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
