mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
