we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
