I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
i've created a new STD.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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