it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
