That's when you crack a 10am beer
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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