I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
