I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
