just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
