so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
it's like heaven, but drunker
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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