i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
