Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
