why do cheetos always look like penises
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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