the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
my poor anus
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
