Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Randomize