So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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