i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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