i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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