tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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