So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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