; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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