Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Randomize
