i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
