I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He? As in you personified your dick?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
