we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
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in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
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He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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