Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
