I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
