I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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