Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
