I CAN MOONWALK!
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
