My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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