Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
