Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
