I hate your face
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
