Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
