...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Randomize
