There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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