Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
