I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
