yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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