I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
