that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
