I smell stomach acid.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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