She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
