I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
