Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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