I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
