Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
