god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
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I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
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I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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